This is a thought of frustration....

As my mom and i are sitting on her couch talking for the millionth time about parent child relationships and the conversation takes it's usually turn to me stating how not having a father was just fine by me. How my mom did the job of both so well that i never for one moment growing up thought hey why don't i have a dad? Then finally i tell her that the ONLY reason i would have wanted a father (and not mine PLease! but a good one) was so that she could have someone.


I said to her (for real) how did she do it all alone? HOW? But it's not just that she didn't have a husband I told her it's also the fact that she didn't have an awesome mom to call to make things all better like I do!! In all seriousness she didn't have anyone. Some of her family was slightly supportive but not to the point that she could call them and feel good or that they would come to visit her. Her parents (both sets) were pretty much useless. She made friends while we lived in CA and i suppose that was her support system but it seems to me she supported them a whole lot more then they did her.

I feel like I have been through somethings (nothing really when you look at other people but anyways) and I don't know how I would have gotten through those things without my mom and yes even my sister. BUT here's the thing my mom was raising 2 small children in a new place she didn't know very well and doing it all while helping other people along the way. She didn't have a super mom to call and ask for advise or help. She didn't have a husband or boyfriend to lean on in hard times.....all she had was herself. She told me that while going through everything you don't think about what is going on you just get done what needs to be done.

BUT the thing she said that really lets me know that she is without a doubt the BEST SUPER MOM in the WHOLE WORLD is... Look at it this way all I wanted out of life was to be a mother and I got what I wanted so I'm happy.

So don't wonder why I will always say she is the greatest and don't wonder why I sometimes think I'm the shit.....she gave me confidence and if I say anything in this Life most nothing will be more true then the fact that my MOM is amazing, wonderful, awesome, strong, and every positive thing you can think of.

So where is the frustration.....you know where it is.....it's in the fact that she still thinks she could have done better for my sister and I..... But when you already have the BEST how can you do better? (just so you know you can't.)